Everything Matters

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My precious daughter, I used to believe there were certain solid, steady and fixed things in life. I thought it didn’t matter what happened because those things were firm and unalterable. Not true, my love.  Every choice in life is key to the outcome of the story. Everything matters.

I remember a series of young adult books your brothers used to read called “Choose your own Adventure”. The stories allowed the young reader to make decisions on strategic pages and then the end of the story was determined by the choices made.  16 paperbacks with 403 possible endings! Those stories gave children an opportunity for another read to change the outcome – a do-over.  It was a good series that tried to teach kids the consequences of their choices.

If only my life was a “Choose your own Adventure” kind of life.  Of all the things I would do over, the first would be to choose NOT to give in so easily to your decision to move 1802.01 miles away two Julys ago.  I would speak my mind for once. I would filibuster. I would use all of my motherly influence to persuade you to move back here with me, for just a little while, so your shattered heart could heal around people who loved you and who were near enough to help. Instead, like an idiot I drove you, my only precious daughter, who was brokenhearted, devastated and vulnerable almost 2000 miles away and I left you there in that desolate wasteland – alone. I might as well have sent you to Pluto. Yes, it was your choice, I know.  Shame on me for letting you make that choice without the two of us thoroughly examining the possibilities and maybe 403 different stories and endings.

Sad thing is that everyone is just a simple event – to turn right instead of left, a break of the heart or a car crash away from losing themselves and their whole belief system completely in just the blink of an eye. Life is so fragile. Those solid, steady, unchangeables just take a tumble and then everything’s different.  Every choice in life is key to the outcome of your story.  Everything matters.

I miss you.  So much.

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