Chasing reason. That’s how I’ve been spending my empty hours lately. I feel like I could move on to another phase of this process if I just understood why. I tried role-reversal. I sat across from myself and talked it out. I became you so I could try to explain to me the decision making process. Nothing makes sense.
I was so sure your feet were on solid ground. You, of all the people I knew, had the firmest traction and a sensible knowledge of the more important things in life.
I feel like a cat chasing it’s tail. I go round and round and round chasing reason. I just can’t seem to grab hold. It taunts me, then moves just when I think I might be able to see it clearly enough to wrestle it down. I wonder, though, would knowing everything make me any less crazy over the loss? Logically, I don’t think so, but I don’t want logic. I want insight.
I miss you. So much