Is it within our power to recognize something’s coming that we’ve never seen before? How about this? You’re eating breakfast. You couldn’t possibly perceive that it’s your last breakfast. Shouldn’t there be some kind of cosmic notification system? “Oh, and by the way. Take the time to really enjoy that half a grapefruit and handful of almonds you’re eating. It’s going to be your last meal.” Life is not about giving you a “heads up”, right?
I need to tell you about the last time I saw you, my lovely girl. May 21, 2013. Not fair that I didn’t recognize that day for what it was. You had been here visiting me for a week already. I took that last day off work. We spent the whole day together. Most of it sitting on the couch talking. You sitting longways, with me at the other end, your feet in my lap. We talked about almost everything and absolutely nothing. Important stuff. Time gulped our last hours and would end when I took you to the airport. My heart was so heavy because you were leaving, not because I didn’t know I wouldn’t see you again.
Shouldn’t I have innately recognized that a really important last event was about to occur? Wouldn’t I have stretched time out just a bit longer to enjoy the sweet smell of your neck and indulged myself just a little more fully in the feel of your arms around me when we said goodbye? After all, it was going to be our last embrace.
I miss you. So much.